


Sway

by thesammtimes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Heavy Angst, Older Woman/Younger Man, Smut, how do I tag about how I fell into NCT hell and I am suffering???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-04-04 15:15:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14023026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesammtimes/pseuds/thesammtimes
Summary: Life had a funny way of making you regret most decisions you made. Like the decision to study music in college, or the decision to study abroad. Definitely the decision to date a musician in your Theory class. Had you never dated Lee Jinki you would have never ended up interning at SM Entertainment. If you had never interned the opportunity for you to stay would have never opened up.As Jinki moved forward and debuted, you moved up the corporate ladder. The two of you didn’t last very long as a couple, but he’d always stayed a friend. So really, you could blame him for everything.Eventually, as the SM Rookies became a thing that would soon be the new group, you became their manager.It was your dream job. You’d worked so hard, kissing a lot of ass in between to get to that point. It would have been fine too...if you had never met Lee Taeyong.Because life had a funny way of making you regret most of the decisions you made.And you regretted him.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a rare day off and whoever was deciding to wreck your one and only time to sleep in this month was going to catch your wrath. Your phone, that wouldn’t stop ringing, buzzed against the wood of your table in a way that made you rip it off the charger with a bit too much force.

“What?” You snapped into the receiver.

“Good morning!” The sing-song voice of the only person in the world you’d slightly cave for when they woke you up on your only day to sleep in this month. 

“Are you aware of what time it is?” You asked Taeyong with a grumble, rolling back over into your blankets.

“Don’t go back to sleep!” He shouted, causing you to jump. “I’m at your door, but you have to come let me in. Please? Please, please please?” 

You took a moment to weigh your options. On one hand you could hang up on him, shut off your phone, and go back to sleep. On the other hand, he was incredibly stubborn and probably wouldn’t leave your apartment. Then he’d get spotted or recognized and you’d have to deal with the backlash of it all. You groaned loudly and heard him chuckle into the phone, “I promise I’ll make it worth your while!” He sang out happily.

Oh, he was going to make it worth your while, alright. You hung up the phone and dragged your feet to your front door, opening it with a glare. 

“Hey! Guess who also has the day off today?” He went on, undeterred by your harsh gaze. “I wanted to spend the day with you, my favorite manager--why are you looking at me like that?” The pout that immediately formed on his lips should have been illegal. His eyes widened, the brown orbs locked in on you in a way that was all too familiar. He knew what that look did to you and he used it against you in any way he could possibly find. He lifted up a bag that was in his hands, “I brought you coffee.”

You rolled your eyes and opened the door wider, allowing him inside the apartment. He walked in, making himself instantly comfortable while slipping off his shoes and jacket. “What were your plans today?” He asked.

You gave him a blank stare, “Sleeping in.” You gestured to your obvious pajamas of an oversized shirt and leggings.

Taeyong skimmed your outfit, moving his eyes along your body too slowly to be casual. “Oh.” Was all he said. He took a step forward, “I want to do whatever you want to do today.” His voice was a low purr as he spoke and you had to take a step back from him.

It took you too long to school your face. He knew it. You knew it. So instead you moved past him, “Whatever, we can watch the new Netflix show I’ve been waiting to binge.” You busied yourself with a bag of popcorn, shoving it in your microwave with a slam of the door. 

“Isn’t it a little early for popcorn?” He asked, following you into your kitchen and setting a bag on the counter. 

You were pleased when you saw a cup of your favorite coffee inside of it and immediately grabbed it and sipped it. “Why does there have to be a right and wrong time to eat popcorn?” You countered.

He laughed at you, shaking his head as he expertly opened your cabinets that held the bowls and plates. You watched him, fully aware that he had been in your home enough times to be able to know his way around your kitchen. It hadn’t always been this way, when you first met him he could barely hold eye contact with you.

As he reached up to grab a bowl you noticed his shirt riding up. Anyone with eyes would notice his shirt riding up, but would they notice the change in his abdomen? The subtle hint of muscles pressing against his taut skin as evidence of the new gym visits happening during his morning routine. Your eyes couldn’t pull away from light trail of hair that led down his belly button and dipped below his waistband. Your tongue darted out against your lips and your forced yourself to look away, but not before he caught you.

“Like what you see?” He asked with a tone far too cocky for your liking. “Maybe you’ll get to see better if you take my shirt off.” The quirk of his lips sent a thrill down your spine.

“Don’t say things you’ll later regret.” You warned him, taking the bowl from his hands and dumping the popcorn inside. 

“Who says I’ll regret it?” He quipped back with a quirk of his eyebrow.

You put the popcorn on the counter and turned to face him. “You know how when we’re at work and you have to do whatever I say? Listen to every word I say and obey?”

He licked his lips, watching you nervously before nodding.

“That’s what happens in my bedroom too.” You answered with a slow smile before picking up the popcorn bowl and walking into your living room. You flopped down on your couch, turning on your television and finding your Netflix watch later list. You watched him file into the room from the corner of your eye, sitting on the couch next to you as you pressed play.

There was silence for awhile after that, and you figured his light flirting had hit its limit for the day. It was always like this with him, a constant push and pull of playfulness. Neither one of you had ever crossed the invisible line that had been drawn, not that you didn’t want to.

You weren’t sure when things had gotten to this point, when the line of manager/idol had slipped into something else. The tension constantly growing between the two of you that was growing apparently obvious to everyone else as well. The first time you met Taeyong he hadn’t even been a blip on your radar. He’d simply been the rookie leader who was nervous for any sort of debut, but refused to show it.

In fact, it had taken you longer to get to know him. He was fairly reserved in comparison to the many other boys that surrounded him. You were quick to fall into a comfortable place with all of the boys, and eventually Taeyong became a part of that as well. 

His voice startled you out of your thoughts as he spoke your name softly, and you turned to him in question. “You’re hogging the popcorn.” He jutted out his bottom lip before reaching over to your lap and grabbing a fistful of the oily goodness before shoving it into his mouth.

You shoved the bowl into his lap and pulled your knees to your chest, ready to get into the show and avoid his flirtatious antics, but he only moved to put the bowl to the table. “You look sexy today,” his voice was long and drawn out and you had to take a deep breath before turning to look at him sternly. 

You glanced down at your sleep clothes and back up at him, “Are you crazy? Stop acting so weird and just watch the damn show.” You scolded him, grabbing a blanket from the back of your couch and covering your body.

He sighed angrily, “I’m not being weird.” He sat back and crossed his arms defiantly against his chest.

You snorted, knowing he was pouting without having to see his face. Eventually he quieted down and you were able to be pulled into the first episode of your show.

Your calmness was short lived, of course, when he decided to get up off of your couch and disappear somewhere in your apartment. 

You gave him a minute or two, expecting he just went to the bathroom. However, soon a minute turned to a few minutes and your curiosity got the best of you. You sighed heavily, pausing your show and getting up to look for him. 

You shouldn’t have been surprised to find him in your bedroom, perched at the end of your bed, a smile on his face when you walked in. “What are you doing?” You asked him, leaning against the door frame. 

He leaned back on his arms, watching you carefully, “I’m ready to obey you.”

The words sent tingles down your spine and you almost fell off the door frame. Of course you’d always imagined the things you’d do to him, specifically in your bedroom. You had never really encouraged his flirting, but you never firmly shut him down for that reason. You certainly hadn’t expected him to come out and say something so boldly. You didn’t think he had it in him to openly invite you to indulge in the fantasies you’d kept to yourself so well. You shut your eyes and shook your head, “No. Get out. I changed my mind, I don’t want to hang out today.” You told him firmly, crossing your arms over your chest.

His jaw dropped, “What? Why?”

You scoffed, “You know why, what’s gotten into you today?” 

He jutted out his bottom lip, clearly not willing to give up. His eyes stayed glued to you, he sat up straight, running his palms down his thighs. “What if I said you can do whatever, whatever you want with me. Can...can you please just have me? I want this.”

He was playing dirty, using his face as his ultimate weapon. He knew how weak you were for him, every part of him. You were often teased for favoring him over his other bandmates, and you’d never admit out loud that anyone was correct in their assumptions. The game the two of you played had always been a dangerous one that you had never intended on it getting this far.

Your mind began to race, the want to cave into temptation beginning to win over the need to stay as far away from this as possible. You should have never gotten this comfortable with him, you should have never pursued getting to know him better. You felt bad, having grown so close to everyone except him. 

Why was he shy with you? This was why. The attraction he had for you was very apparent, and you tried to lighten it by flirting with him a bit. You just wanted him to feel more at ease, but it all backfired on you. You’d gotten to know him, you learned his weird quirk with being clean. You let him tease you that he could cook and you burned a pot of boiling water. You watched him suffer and grow beyond who he was in the past and become a better adult. A more mature adult that could handle his responsibilities and took them all very seriously. 

“It’s hot,” he whined, clearly noticing your shell cracking. He tugged on the collar of his t-shirt before pinning you with a look that was much darker than before. “Why don’t you take it off for me?” You hated that he knew exactly what he was doing to you as he stuck his arms in the air above his head. “Come here and take it off...I’ll be still, promise.”

The boy had you wrapped around his little finger and you caved. You were weak, and you didn't care. You wanted him, you wanted to put him in his place and make him squirm. Make him pay for the nine months of torture he’d put you through. Slowly you felt your wall that you had done so well to keep up crumble and fall. 

You could tell he was surprised when you walked towards him, standing between his open legs and reaching down to grab the fabric of his shirt and tug it upwards. You stopped when it was covering his eyes, leaving his chest exposed to you while his face was covered. “Lay back,” You told him quietly, but leaving no room in your voice to argue.

He fell back almost instantly and you had to bite your lip to hold back a giggle at his eagerness. You placed a knee on the bed, straddling his thigh and leaned forward to press a kiss to his sternum. The second your lips touched his skin you could physically see him shudder with pleasure. 

You couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across your lips as you began to mark a path towards one of his nipples. His chest was rising and falling quickly as you got closer to your destination. You stuck your tongue out and swiped at the sensitive bud when you reached it, relishing in the whimper that escaped past his lips at the contact. 

You hummed thoughtfully, sitting up and letting your fingers drag down his chest and stomach. You let yourself enjoy the feeling of finally touching him, feeling the warmth of his body beneath your fingertips. “You want me so bad that you’re willing to do everything I say?” You asked him quietly.

He let out a slow breath, “I’ll do whatever you tell me to do, whatever you order me to do. I will...I’ll do it all for you.” 

His words turned the nervous bubble of energy inside of you into something entirely different. You reached down and finished pulling his shirt off of his arms, leaving him blinking innocently up at you. Your heart stopped in your chest, and for a second you almost called it all off. 

He licked his lips and whispered your name lowly, “Just kiss me.” He whispered.

You did.

It was as if every last bit of your inhibitions were out the window. You had him and he wanted it, he wanted you and he tasted better than your imagination had ever tried to fabricate. You ignored the wildly beating heart inside of your chest and moved your lips moved against his; melting against his mouth with a quiet moan in your throat. 

You climbed fully on the bed, straddling his hips and tangling a hand into his hair. Your teeth found his plush bottom lip and tugged it lightly. He let out a melodious moan as you did it and you knew you were going to enjoy this much more than you had realized.

You sat up, your legs keeping him locked onto the bed. “We have to establish a few ground rules.” You told him, trying to forget how breathless the kiss had made you. 

He licked his lips, his own breathing staggered as he nodded fervently while staring up at you.

You could certainly get used to this. Your fingers slid along his bare chest and stomach, tickling at the skin and watching his muscles tick in reaction to them. “Rule number one, you only speak when spoken to.” You lifted your hand and dragged a finger down his face and hooked it under his chin. “Understood?”

He nodded again and you smiled, tapping his nose playfully, “You can answer when I ask you a question, sweetheart.”

His cheeks were flushed and he was nodding his head again before the words seemed to register and he blinked a few times, “Yes, I understand.”

“Good boy,” You praised, cupping his cheek and bending down to kiss his lips lightly.

He practically preened when you praised him and you tucked that little fact away for later use. “Rule number two you are welcome to make any noise you want for me. In fact, I want to hear those beautiful noises and will reward you for moaning for me.” Your fingers wrapped loosely around his neck, “but only noises, no words. Understood?”

He nodded again, and when you gave him a stern look he quickly answered you, “Yes, I understand.”

You sat up again, grinding your hips down on him playfully just to watch him squirm beneath you. “Rule number three, no one can know about this. Rule number four, if you ever want me to stop anything I’m doing just say popcorn.”

He snorted, “Popcorn?”

You frowned, reaching down and running your hand sweetly through his hair before gripping it tightly and yanking his head back. “Did I say you could speak?” You asked quietly.

His eyes darkened, clearly turned on by you being rough with him. He licked his lips nervously, “No…”

You leaned down, hovering your lips right above his, “Do you understand the rules, baby?” You asked him.

His breathing began to accelerate again. “Yes, I understand.”

You smiled sweetly and kissed him slowly, keeping his hair in your hand for another moment before releasing him and getting up off of the bed. “Get up and get naked.” You ordered while you took it upon yourself to slide your leggings down your legs.

You watched him fumble with his pants from the corner of your eye; trying to watch you undress while also doing as you had instructed. You kicked off your pants and panties, your shirt was big enough to cover you down to your thighs. You looked back up at him, “Relax, honey. I’ll let you get a good look. Now get naked.” You told him again.

It was almost comical how hard he had to focus on pulling his eyes off of you and you watched him with your own secret longing. You’d felt him getting hard beneath you while you were straddling him, but watching him get naked for you; knowing he was yours to play with, it was affecting you much more than you’d like to admit. 

You kept your face as neutral as possible as he kicked away his underwear and stared up at you timidly. He was gorgeous and a deep part of you wanted to toss patience out the window and ravish him. His dick was hard and curved up deliciously towards his abdomen. He was waiting for your next instruction and you couldn’t help but smile at that fact. “Good boy,” you cooed before gesturing to your bed, “now lay back down.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but caught himself before nodding and getting on the bed and laying on his back. He was finally figuring it out and you were enjoying every second. You walked to the foot of your bed and looked up at him, “There’s one last rule.” You mentioned casually as you climbed onto the bed, getting on your knees between his legs that spread automatically for you.

You let your hands slide up his bare legs, enjoy the softness of his thighs when you reached them and curved your fingers around his thin hips. “Rule number five,” You mused out loud as your fingers danced around the sensitive skin of his lower stomach but avoiding the place he wanted you to touch most. “You may not cum until I say so, understand?”

He swallowed thickly, his eyes watching you intently, “I understand.”

You smiled broadly up at him, “Such a good boy,” you told him and he grinned happily down at you.

Taeyong’s smile faltered the second you lowered your mouth down and licked at his hip before biting down on it. You knew you couldn’t leave marks on his body, but this one would be easy to hide, so you shamelessly sucked down on the skin for a few seconds before letting go. He let out a sigh and you examined small red mark you left behind. You kissed the spot once before your fingers wrapped around the shaft of his cock while you took the head into your mouth. 

He choked out a moan, his head falling back to your pillows, exposing his neck and jaw. You watched his reactions, revelling in the way you could make his body squirm. You ran your hand up and down him slowly while your tongue slid around him until you had most of him in your mouth. You sucked gently, pulling back slowly until he fell out of your mouth lewdly.

His lip was stuck between his teeth and he braved a look down at you. You purposely waited until his attention was back on you before you running your tongue along his length and taking him back in your mouth again. His moans were mixed with whines as you continued teasing him. Stroking and sucking on his dick before letting go completely and sitting up to watch him catch his breath.

“You said I had you for the whole day?” You asked him while your fingers carelessly ran up and down his cock. 

His eyes fluttered closed, sweat was beginning to form on the edges of his face, sliding down to the bed below him. “Y..yes.” He swallowed hard, “I have the whole day off and they know I’ll be gone.”

You beamed down at him, “The whole day, hm? I should just take my time with you then, shouldn’t I?”

There was a whine in the back of his throat and he looked up at you with pleading eyes. 

You tilted your head, feigning confusion. “Why the face? Don’t you want to spend the whole day with me? Answer me.”

He swallowed, licking his lips before answering you. “I do, I want to spend the whole day with you. I’ve wanted this...for a really long time.”

His answer surprised you, but you didn’t let it show. “So why the face?” You asked him again.

He hesitated, clearly not wanting to answer wrong. It was cute to watch him struggle while you continued your leisurely pace of stroking him. He was breathing heavily and he finally gave you an answer. “I want...to cum…” He frowned, looking up at you with that same pleading look and you had the realization that he was trying to play you with his infamous look that he saved for only you.

You pretended to think this over, “But...I’m not even naked for you yet. You already want to cum?” You let go of him, tugging at the neck of your t-shirt and looking inside. “I’m not wearing anything under this, don’t you want to see me too?” You looked back up at him and watched his eyes widen nervously.

“Yes, of course I do!” He said quickly. 

You began fingering the hem of the shirt, his eyes following the movement of your hands hungrily. “Do you deserve it?” You asked him. “Do you deserve to see me naked? It’s my day off too, you know. You came over and woke me up and now you want to see me naked and you want me to let you cum. What do I get out of this?”

His eyes never left your fingers, “I can please you too. I said I’ll do whatever you want, I meant it.” His eyes flicked up to your face and your breath caught. It was unfair that he could still make your heart skip a beat even when you were in charge.

“Prove it.” You lifted your shirt off of your body and tossed it aside. “Make me feel good and I’ll let you cum.”

His eyes scanned over your body slowly in a way that would have made you feel self conscious if he didn’t look so awestruck. You felt warmth spreading through you as he sat up slowly. “May I speak?” He asked you quietly.

You nodded, curious to where he was headed. 

“Can I touch you?” He asked quietly. 

You nodded again and his hands slowly came up to your legs. His fingers slid up the back of your thighs, curving around your ass and sliding up your back. “God…” He whispered as his hands came up and stopped just beneath your breasts. “You’re gorgeous.”

You wished his fingertips hadn’t left a trail of goosebumps in their wake. You wished his words hadn’t sent a spine-tingling emotion shooting through your body. You wished more than anything that you weren’t feeling the wave of emotions you were feeling for the boy in front of you. You cupped his face and pressed forward to kiss him softly. 

He groaned against your lips, his hands slid up and you felt his thumbs slide over your nipples. You whimpered at the sensation, your hands grabbing his shoulders as your tongue slid past his lips. He let you have his mouth for a bit before pulling away gently. He kissed your neck and collarbones before moving down your chest. His tongue flicked over one of your nipples and let out a breathy sigh.

He moved to the second one, his free hand sliding down your side slowly. He looked up at you as he teased your nipple and you had to bite your lips to keep the sounds down. You didn’t want to concede to him so easily. 

He sat back, his thumb moving on your hip absentmindedly, “Is it okay if you lay down? I want to taste more of you.”

You certainly hoped you had more restraint then you did, but you didn’t. You were far too interested in seeing what he had to offer. You moved back and switched positions with him on the bed. He watched you silently as you laid back and he settled between your legs. 

He silently smirked down at you, and you would have scolded him for it had he not taken that exact moment to delve between your legs with his tongue. 

He wasted no time, his tongue pried at your core before he moved to your clit. He flicked over the sensitive bud with precision and you couldn’t hold back your moans anymore. You let your head fall back and enjoy the sound of his own moans echoing yours. You felt one of his fingers slide inside of you, curling up and beckoning your body to give into his ministrations.

You reached down, tangling your fingers in his soft hair. Glancing down, you watched his tongue circle your clit while his wrist began pumping his finger inside of you. You were barely able to whimper out his name before your orgasm rushed through you, causing your entire body to shudder around him.

You blamed the amount of pent up sexual tension and how much ordering him around had turned you on for how fast you came. He was kissing your stomach, climbing up your body with his lips. When he got to your face you pulled him in for a heated kiss, tasting yourself on his lips.

He moaned against your mouth and you immediately shoved him to his back, straddling his hips and hovering over him. He was still so hard, his cock twitching beneath you and you smirked against his lips. “You did so good,” you murmured against his lips, “you made me cum so fast and it felt amazing.” You reached between your legs and wrapped your fingers around him.

He jerked away from your mouth and moaned, his eyes squeezed shut. 

“Do you want to cum now, baby? Is that what you want?” You asked him as you continued your teasing. 

He opened his eyes and his pleading gaze was all the answer you needed. 

“Where do you want to cum?” You kiss his chin, “Do you want to cum in my mouth?” You whispered before kissing just below his ear. “Or do you want to cum on my tits?” Your lips found his neck and he whimpered. “Or do you want to fuck me?”

His hands that had been resting on your waist suddenly gripped you tight and you sat up to look down at him. “Is that what you want, sweet boy? You want to fuck me?” You removed your hand and hovered your heat right above his leaking cock.

He blinked up at you desperately, “Yes. Please? Please, please I want to be inside of you.”

You smiled sweetly, “Since you asked so nicely.” You moved your body until you were sinking down on his dick. You watched his eyes flutter shut, his head fell back and the moan that left his lips was sinful. 

Noises were leaving you as well as you moved your hips and relished in having him fill you so perfectly. You began to rock your body, watching him bite his lip and tug at the blankets beneath him.

He panted out your name, “I’m...fuck, I’m close!” 

You lifted off of him, watching him cry out in frustration as he fell out of you. You placed your hands on either side of his head and raised a brow as you looked down at him. “You just broke one of the rules, love.”

His eyes widened and he shook his head, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please. Please don’t stop. Please let me cum, please? I’ll be good. I promise I’ll be good!”

You sighed, “You’re lucky you’re cute you little shit.” You whispered angrily before adjusting and sinking down on him again. He choked out a moan, not expecting you to move so quickly. “You’re lucky you feel so fucking good.” You told him with a moan. You dragged your fingers down his chest as you began your steady rise and fall again.

“Now, baby. Don’t you dare speak until I say it’s okay or you won’t cum at all today.” You warned. You paused in your movements, “You said you were close, hm?” You swiveled your hips and he whined, nodding his head enthusiastically.

You grinned, “Alright.” You began to move again, “You can cum.”

His head fell back and his hands grabbed your hips, his fingers digging into your skin as his hips bucked up beneath you twice before he moaned out your name and you felt his cock twitch with his release inside of you.

You watched his face as his jaw dropped and he kept you securely attached to him until his entire body went slack beneath you. He lay back on the bed, his hands dropping to his sides as he tried to catch his breath.

You leaned forward, kissing his cheek softly. “You’re such a good boy for me.” You cooed and you felt him twitch inside of you at his words.

You lifted off of him, rolling to the side and grabbing some tissues from your nightstand to clean up. You turned to face him, surprised to already find him watching you with a smile.

“What?” You asked him.

His smile turned shy and he grabbed your waist and pulled you to him, burying his face in your neck. “Nothing,” he answered into your skin, his breath tickling you. The warmth of being in his arms sent your heart beating wildly all over again.

You rolled your eyes and ran your fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp lightly, earning yourself a happy hum from him. 

You both laid there for a moment before he finally peeled away and gave you a knowing look. You raised your eyebrows in question before you felt his cock twitch against your thigh. You let out a laugh, “Already?” You asked him.

He shrugged, smiling shamelessly at you, “I said you had all day with me…”

You returned his smile and pressed your lips to his, “Don’t say things you’ll later regret.” You whispered playfully repeating the words you had spoken to him earlier.

He pulled away and let out a boisterous laugh, “Trust me. I definitely won’t regret any of this.” He told you before kissing you again.

If only he knew how wrong he would be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything changed after that day you and Taeyong spent together. It was as if your relationship with Taeyong had been a rubber band, stretched out with too much tension and someone had finally cut the tension free. It was almost too easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of happiness with him.

Everything changed after that day you and Taeyong spent together. It was as if your relationship with Taeyong had been a rubber band, stretched out with too much tension and someone had finally cut the tension free. It was almost too easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of happiness with him.

If anyone noticed the change, they never mentioned it. Never mentioned the way Taeyong always brought you an extra baked good from his favorite bakery. Or how you’d sit next to each other during schedules. Or how he’d disappear during any spare time he had; always ending up at your apartment and in your bed.

It had been almost three months and the two of you staying under the radar had been nothing but sheer luck. It wasn’t that either of you weren’t allowed to date, it was just frowned upon. Especially between managers and idols. Perhaps that’s why you got away with it for so long. You were his manager, everyone was used to seeing you together.

Of course Jinki was the first to say something to your face. The two of you were having lunch together in the building’s cafeteria. He was staring at you with a frown as you happily ate the piece of cake Taeyong had bought you earlier that morning.

“What’s the matter with you?” He asked you accusingly. 

You looked up at him and paused, “Nothing.”

He snorted, leaning over and snagging a bite of your cake before you could stop him. “You’re never this...bubbly…” He spoke with his mouthful. “Where’d you get this anyway?” He leaned forward to get another bite, but you smacked his hand away.

“None of your business, and get your own dessert!”

Jinki sat back and watched you carefully. “You’re sleeping with someone.”

You almost choked on your cake. “No I’m not!”

He laughed, “I’m so right! Is the cake from your new lover?”

You rolled your eyes and sighed, “As if I’d tell you.”

“Hmm…” Jinki seemed to mull this thought over. “You’re being so secretive about this so I can only assume you’re fucking someone I know or work with.”

You glared at him, “Stop being so lewd.”

“So it’s more than fucking? You actually like someone? Who are you and what did you do with my once heartless ex-girlfriend?”

You scoffed, “I think we both know who is the more heartless one between the two of us.”

Jinki smiled, “I’m not heartless, I just started using my heart less.”

“How poetic of you.”

He leaned forward at lightning speed and grabbed another forkful of your cake and you looked at him in shock. “You’re such an asshole!” You snapped at him, grabbing your napkin and throwing it at his face.

Jinki stuck his cake covered tongue out at you and you looked for something else to throw when you heard someone call your name.

Taeyong walked up to your table, looking at Jinki and then at you.

“Hey! Are you done recording?” You asked him with a smile.

He nodded and returned your smile, though his looked a bit forced. You were going to ask what was wrong when Jinki reached over and stole the last bite of your cake.

Your jaw dropped at the audacity of the man across from you. “I’m going to kill you!” You threatened.

Jinki simply laughed, “I’d like to see you try. Just get another.” He shrugged and sat back in his seat with his drink happily.

You glared at him, “I’m not the one who bought it in the first place!” You whined.

“I can get you another one.” Taeyong spoke up quietly beside you.

Jinki looked up at him and you could almost watch him put all of the pieces of the puzzle together. His eyes slid down to yours with a knowing look.

“It’s okay, Tae. I’ll make Jinki buy me another.” You looked up at your boyfriend, “Are you done for the day?”

He nodded and you smiled, “So you’re going home for the day? Do you want a ride to the dorm?” You asked him, knowing the two of you already had plans to go back to your place. You didn’t need anyone overhearing you, specifically the cake eating butthead next to you.

“Yes please.” Taeyong shifted on his weight uncomfortably, “I’m just going to grab my stuff from the studio upstairs.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you up there?”

He nodded, giving Jinki a small bow before leaving.

Jinki hardly waited for Taeyong to be out of earshot before letting out a low whistle. “Wow. Never pegged you for a cradle-robber.”

You scoffed, “Don’t be so gross, we’re both adults.”

Jinki grinned, “Does he call you mommy?” Your fork flew across the table and Jinki didn’t even try to cover his laughter. “Hey!” He scolded, “Nothing pointy!”

“Whatever, you’re one to talk about age gaps.” You fired back.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You gave him a pointed look. “That girl from the club two weeks ago? Like you haven’t been still seeing her?”

He narrowed his gaze at you. “At least I’m not her boss. Tell me, what kind of special treatment comes with fucking your manager?”

You shot up from your seat, over your friend’s cynical bullshit. “Fuck you, Jinki.” You spat as you stormed out of the cafeteria.

Taeyong was waiting for you upstairs and was uncharacteristically quiet in the car. “Did you want to hang out at my place still?” You asked him, assuming he was probably just tired from working.

He was fidgeting with his phone and barely glanced up at you to answer, “Sure.”

You fought off a sarcastic remark, Jinki had put you in a foul mood and you didn’t want to take it out on Taeyong. However, you also didn’t feel like dealing with an unwarranted attitude if he wasn’t going to talk to you.

When you finally got inside of your apartment you were ready to grab the bottle of wine you had been saving in your fridge. “Want a drink?” You offered Taeyong as he followed you into the kitchen. 

“No,” he answered shortly.

You sighed, grabbing a glass from your cabinet, “What’s wrong with you?” You asked as you poured yourself a generous glass of wine.

“Nothing,” he answered you. When you turned around he’d put his phone away and was watching you carefully. “How do you know Jinki again?” He asked, his voice far too casual.

You paused mid-sip and pulled your glass away from your lips. “So that’s why you have an attitude?” You murmured to yourself.

“I don’t have an attitude,” he scoffed.

You rolled your eyes, “I met Jinki in college. We dated, but that was a long time ago.”

Taeyong didn’t say anything, just continued staring at you with an infuriatingly unreadable expression.

“If it makes you feel better, he’s screwing some doctor chick.” You downed the rest of your glass of wine in one go. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you, by the way.” You snapped before pushing past him and leaving the room.

He followed you, “I’m not jealous I just asked you a question.”

You let out a dry laugh, “Yeah and the silent treatment the entire car ride home was what?” You got into your bedroom and immediately began peeling off your work clothes.

“I can’t just be quiet?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched you.

You began searching in your drawers for clothes, grabbing a t-shirt from the top of one. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this…” You muttered angrily, your temper getting the better of you.

“Do what?” He asked, anger coming through his own voice now.

You shoved the tshirt on angrily. “This!” You snapped, gesturing your hand between the two of you.

His jaw clenched angrily, “What is that supposed to mean?”

You stood, exasperated and past the point of no return. “You’re too young for me, Taeyong. This entire jealousy thing is a perfect example.”

“Don’t bring age into this!” He snapped at you, “I said I wasn’t jealous, I meant I wasn’t jealous! I wanted to ask you, but I knew you’d respond like this so I didn’t know how to approach the situation. Why are you bringing up our ages now?”

His anger only fueled yours, “Are you kidding me? Why are you bringing up Jinki now then?”

He rubbed his face and let out a frustrated sigh, “This is so stupid.” He mumbled angrily, “I don’t care about Jinki. I don’t care who you used to be with because you’re with me now. And I definitely don’t care about your age. I like you. It’s really that simple and you’re trying to create a problem to justify your own insecurities.”

You stared at him in shock, a part of you surprised that he’d hit the nail on the head so to speak. You were definitely not secure in your relationship with him, not at all. Jinki poking fun at it only enhanced those feelings and you knew you were making this a bigger problem then it had to be. 

Taeyong took advantage of your silence and took a step closer to you. “Listen to me. We can just take this one step at a time okay? We can go slow. Just….give it a chance, please?” He stepped closer to you and you tried not to get lost in his eyes and the way he held your gaze to get his point across.

He was directly in front of you now, his hands finding your waist as he patiently watched you watch him. You sighed, and downing a huge glass of wine was definitely taking part in calming you down from your earlier rage. “Alright,” You told him quietly, “I’ll try.”

He smiled softly, “Can I kiss you now? Because you can’t just get undressed in front of me while you’re all angry like that and not think I’m going to get incredibly turned on.”

You smiled, trying not to laugh, “You’re ridiculous.” You told him, not meaning it in the slightest. 

He leaned forward and kissed you and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you flush to his chest. You relaxed against him, letting him take the lead for once. You weren’t always controlling in the bedroom with him, but it worked for both of you.

He seemed to notice your change in attitude and you let him press you against your dresser. Your back dug into the wood as the kiss grew heated and his hands began to wander. You felt his fingertips brush the tops of your thighs before slipping up inside of your shirt.

Your fingers tangled in his hair and you moaned against his lips. His hands explored your body slowly, fingers trailing over your skin teasingly. He slid a hand between your legs, rubbing against your clothed core slowly, causing you to whine for more. As his tongue slid past your lips he slipped his hands in your underwear, sliding them down your thighs.

You helped him remove them, and the second they were off his hands were on your hips, lifting you onto the dresser and pushing between your legs. He never stopped kissing you as his hands moved up your bare thighs and his thumb teased over your clit. He slid a finger inside of you, moving it slowly and heightening your arousal. 

You whimpered, your own hand sliding between your bodies and caressing his erection through his jeans. You broke away from the kiss, pressing your forehead to his as you caught your breath. 

“What is it?” He asked with his own breathless whisper, his finger curling inside of you and making your grip in his hair tighten.

“I want you,” You told him softly, “I need you.”

His eyes were on yours and he watched you with a small smirk curling his lips up. “You have me.” He answered you as he slid another finger inside of you.

You pouted, rubbing your palm over his dick with more vigor. “I want your cock,” You whimpered, “I want it inside of me.” You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his lightly, “Please?”

His breath staggered as you used both of your hands to unbutton his jeans, pulling the zipper down quickly. You began to push the pants over his hips eagerly, frustrated by the way his fingers teased your core while he watched you get his pants off.

“Tae,” You whined, “fuck me, please?”

He finally straightened, pulling his fingers out of you slowly and holding them up to your mouth. You opened up and took his fingers willingly, sucking your juices off of them with a moan. 

Taeyong bit his lip, watching you with dark eyes before he removed his hand and pushed his pants down to his ankles. He swiftly moved between your legs, pulling you to the edge of the dresser and thrusting into you.

Your moans echoed each other as he began to pump his hips, his hands gripping your waist as he fucked you into your dresser. You grabbed his shoulders, your fingers digging into the soft fabric of his t-shirt as your only anchor.

Your body was weaker for Taeyong than your heart. The second he was inside of you, your body was ready to topple over the edge into bliss. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to your neck, his teeth eventually sinking into the skin and causing you to moan his name. 

He slid a hand between your bodies, his finger moving in teasing circles over your clit while he thrusted in and out of you. His lips traveled up your neck to your ear, “Let go,” he whispered hotly, “cum for me.”

Your body listened, and you felt euphoria flood your senses as your body clamped down around him. Your grip on his shirt tightened and you could hear him moaning your name next to you, his own body reaching climax with you.

You held onto him, your face buried in his shoulder as you both caught your breath. You felt him pull out, moving around to kick his pants fully off of his legs. He pulled you close, lifting you off the dresser and carrying your to the bed.

You fell onto the mattress in an ungraceful heap, giggling into his shirt as he adjusted both of you to get under your blankets. You could hear his own snickers before he was finally settled, moving until you were tucked against his chest and his hands were rubbing up and down your back gently.

“Taeyong…” You whispered sleepily, already feeling yourself being lulled away as his hands rubbed circles over your back.

“Hm?” His own voice was lower, sounding just as close to sleep as you were.

“You make me really happy,” You admitted, letting yourself indulge in the warmth that surrounded you inside and out when you were laying in his arms this way.

His hands stopped moving and he held you closer, a response unnecessary as you both fell asleep wrapped up in one another.  
_______

The next morning you woke up pressed to Taeyong’s chest, his arms firmly encircling your waist. Your alarm clock rang out somewhere in your bedroom, but you were warm and comfortable; unwilling to move just yet. You groaned, slowly stretching your sore muscles before peeling yourself out of Taeyong’s embrace.

You found your phone in the pocket of your pants from the day before. You shut it off and stood in your room blankly. As sleep left, clearing your mind it dawned on you that Taeyong was in your bed. You’d both fallen asleep and now you had to get ready for work.

“Shit,” you mumbled, walking back to the bed. You shook your boyfriend gently, watching him blink rapidly as he took in his surroundings. “Taeyong, wake up, baby we fell asleep.”

He yawned, stretching his lean body along your bed before sitting up gradually. “I’m starving,” he noted with a pout while rubbing his stomach.

You giggled, ruffling his messy hair. “Come on,” you told him. “We have to shower and if we hurry I can get you breakfast on the way to work. You’re lucky I have some of your clothes here already.”

He gave you a sly smile, “Can we shower together?”

You rolled your eyes, “You’re insatiable, you know that?”

He grinned cheekily and you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his. “Thank you,” you whispered when you pulled away.

He gave you a curious look, “For what?”

“For being patient with me.” You answered him.

He cupped your face and pulled you into a much more gentle kiss. “You’re worth it.”

Your heart fluttered in your chest the same way it always did when the two of you shared moments like these. You knew you were falling for the sweet boy with gorgeous eyes and a heart of gold. You didn’t want to face these feelings, too afraid of what they meant. Too afraid of what would come at the end of it all. 

You pulled away from him gently, “Come on. Let’s go shower.” 

He nodded, letting you lead him into the bathroom and leave your emotions behind the door to deal with at another time.

Sneaking into work was easier said than done. Taeyong had countless messages from his roommates wondering where he’d been. They had suspected he was seeing someone, but this only seemed to fuel their fire. You made him walk into the building without you, waiting a solid ten minutes in your car before following him inside. 

When you got to your desk there was a bag waiting for you. Inside was two pieces of chocolate cake and a note that had the word “sorry” scribbled across it. The handwriting was one you recognized and you made a mental note to text Jinki later and tell him you forgave him. 

You were smiling to yourself as you sat down at your desk and opened your email to begin sifting through the work you had for the day. You’d barely logged onto your computer when your office phone rang and your supervisor asked you into her office for a meeting.

You should have put your guard up, she never asked to have meetings with anyone unless something was wrong. Everything was always addressed in the monthly conferences she held for the entire team. Walking into her office unphased by the sudden phone call was your first mistake.

Your second was sitting down and letting her shut the door.

“I’ve been reviewing your recent schedules and work in the past month or so,” she told you, opening a folder on her desk as she sat down. “I’ve noticed you’ve been exclusive with NCT since being promoted into management a year ago?”

You nodded, curious as to where she was headed with her point.

“I’ve been in discussion with some other managers, and I think you’d do well if we moved you to another group.” She placed her hands down on her desk and looked up at you, “It’s a good changing point in your career, it looks better to have experience with different groups. Starting next month you’ll be working with Red Velvet. We will have you in that position for a six month trial period and come back and go from there, okay?”

You felt like the air was slowly pulled out of the room, you stared at her in confusion. “Do I not get a say in this?” You asked her.

She smiled gently, adjusting the papers on her desk. “The thing is, when you’re in one position for too long you may find yourself a little too comfortable there. Specifically with certain members of the group. You don’t want to get too close to anyone so that others may suspect something. Do you understand what I’m saying? Your career is obviously very important to you, I’d hate for it to be ruined for you because you got too relaxed.”

You stared at her in shock, she knew? How did she know? How could she know? You were befuddled, unsure of how to respond to her appropriately. 

You didn’t want to leave NCT, and not just because of Taeyong. You loved those boys, it felt as though the group had grown up in the company with you. Her points were all valid, it was better for managers to be able to be flexible, however, you were almost certain this was because of Taeyong. 

Someone found out about your relationship with Taeyong and told her, and now you were being punished. You were a liability, and if you got to “relaxed” the two of you could get caught being together. It wasn’t just your job in jeopardy either; you had always known this. Taeyong was still considered a rookie, he couldn’t afford another scandal in his career.

You didn’t know what to say, and as your supervisor watched you process her words she gave you a sympathetic smile. “It happens to more people than you realize,” she spoke softly, “this is for the best. Trust me.”

As much as you wanted to be angry, you knew she was correct. In fact, she was doing you a favor; stopping you while you were ahead. You nodded slowly, “I understand.” You finally told her.

She shut the folder on her desk and handed it over to you. “This has Red Velvet’s schedules in it. You’ll start in two weeks, you can finish out the promotions with NCT first since you have been working on them.”

You took the folder from her and stood, bidding her goodbye before leaving her office. You dropped the folder off at your desk without opening it, grabbing the cake and your car keys and heading out of the building. Your phone was pressed to your ear as you climbed into your car, your hands shaking as your started the ignition.

“Jinki? It’s me.” You pressed the speaker button on phone and the second you heard his voice answer you the tears started. “I think I was just told to end it with Taeyong.” You told him with a choked sob.

“Where are you?” He asked instantly, “Are you at the building?”

“I’m in my car.” You answered him between tears.

“Don’t move. I’m coming.”

You hung up and stared down at your phone, it buzzed with a message from Taeyong, asking you if he’d see you during schedules today. You shut the phone off and stuck it in your purse, by the time Jinki got to your car you were in full panic attack mode and beyond grateful that your ex had dealt with your anxiety before.

He lifted you into his lap in the passenger seat and held you close. “It’s going to be okay, you’re strong.” He whispered.

But sadly, you didn’t believe him. If you had been strong you wouldn’t have gotten into this situation in the first place.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You didn’t want it to be something you had to live through. Disassociating was easier, hiding all of those feelings deep down in another part of you. You couldn’t face them, you couldn’t deal with the fact that the boy in front of you wasn’t allowed to be yours anymore.
> 
> He was never yours to begin with.

Jinki sat across from you, legs pulled up on your couch and a stern expression on his face.

“You can stop looking at me like that. I’m not going to freak out again.” You were curled up in your own blanket on the other end of the sofa. You sipped your tea, trying to ignore how Jinki seemed unphased by that statement.

“I haven’t seen you lose your shit like that in over a year,” he told you, “forgive me for being concerned for your well-being. Are you ready to tell me what the fuck happened?”

You sighed, Jinki had stayed with you until you calmed down enough to drive yourself home. He followed you, abandoning his own work for the day to stay by your side. You must have really spooked him and you felt bad. However, Jinki was a caretaker by nature. You were the sister he never had, and he’d take care of you like family regardless of the situation.

“I got to work and was immediately called into my supervisor’s office.” You repeated the conversation you had shared with her, telling him everything from start to finish.

When you were done Jinki looked thoughtful, “How do you think she found out about you and Taeyong?” He asked.

You shrugged, staring down into the mug on your lap, “I don’t know. We must have slipped up somewhere, but when it came to work we never changed our behaviour. I don’t think the rest of the group even knows.”

“What are you going to tell them?”

The thought brought fresh tears to your eyes, “I guess some of the truth? I’m being moved to build my career.”

“You don’t actually believe that do you? That she gives a shit about your career?”

You looked back up at your friend who was watching you carefully, “She could have fired me, Jinki. I don’t think she cares as much as she was trying to make me think she did, but I do think she is trying to help me. In a weird way, she is looking out for me.”

Jinki seemed to think this over before his eyes found yours again, “One last question.”

You nodded, “Shoot.”

His gaze was strong on yours, “Are you in love with him?”

You swallowed hard, having to look away from Jinki in order to answer the one question you’d never admitted to yourself out loud. “Yes.”

Jinki cursed under his breath and you had to focus to keep your emotions at bay, not wanting to break down in front of him again.

“You know, as fucked up as it is maybe it’s for the better. It’s only been a few months right? Maybe it’s less painful to end it now then later on down the road.”

You didn’t respond to him, focusing deeply at the tea sitting at the bottom of your mug.

Jinki spoke your name soundly, “You have to end it. It would have never worked out in the first place.”

Your eyes snapped up to his, “I know that.” You told him bitterly. “I don’t need your derisive ass reminding me, alright?”

He frowned at you, “I’m only like this because I’ve been deep in this world longer than you. I’ve witnessed relationship after relationship around me fail; including my own. Think about it, have you ever seen an idol marry their manager?”

The harsh reality of his words stung and you found yourself trying not to cry once again. Your phone began ringing on your coffee table and Jinki reached over to grab it for you. It was Taeyong and you could tell by the deepening frown on your friend’s face that he didn’t like that he was calling you.

You had sent Taeyong a cryptic text about not feeling well and taking the day off. The boy was instantly worried about you and you felt bad for the amount of texts from him you’d been ignoring.

You took the phone from Jinki, swiping to answer the call.

“Are you okay?” Taeyong asked you quickly.

“I’m fine, Tae. Just a stomach ache, probably from not eating much of anything since last night. I’ll be okay, I promise.” You answered him.

“I’m coming over in an hour.” He told you, “Can I bring you something?”

You looked at Jinki who was giving you a knowing look that made you want to kick him. “I’ll be okay. You don’t have to come over, really.”

“No, no. I want to! I want to check on you.” There was a pause, “Unless you don’t want me to?”

You shut your eyes and fought back a sigh, his question stabbing your right in your heart. “No, it’s fine. Just try not to worry too much, okay? I promise I’m fine, Taeyong.”

“I know, but you’re my girlfriend. It’s my job to dote on you when you’re sick.” He answered with a chipper tone, you could hear his smile through the phone and it made your own lips curl up.

“Alright, I’ll see you in an hour.” You told him happily.

“Okay!” He answered you before hanging up.

When you put the phone down Jinki sighed heavily. “Jesus Christ,” he murmured, “you’re so fucked. You should see the damn elated look on your face while talking to him.”

“Thanks.” You snapped at him sarcastically.

He gave you an exasperated look, “You’re my best friend. Do you realize that? I just….” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, “I don’t like seeing you get hurt.”

You crawled over to where Jinki was seated, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug. “You’re my best friend too, Jinki. It’s okay to love sometimes. It hurts like hell when it’s over, but at least…” You sat back and let out a shuddering breath, “at least I got to be happy for a little while.”

“It’s better to have loved and lost and all that bullshit?” Jinki pulled you back to his chest as the tears began to spill again.

“Give yourself the two weeks,” he whispered into your hair. “You deserve all the happiness in the world, so fuck everyone for the next two weeks. Enjoy that boy and let him enjoy you. After that…I’ll be here to wipe away your tears, okay?”

You began to cry harder, letting Jinki scoop you into him, holding you tightly until you got it all out. When you were finished and promised him you’d call him if you felt like crying again he left your apartment. You had half an hour until Taeyong showed up and you took that time to clean up your face and try not to look like you’d spent the whole day crying off and on.

When you opened the door to your worried boyfriend’s face you felt your stomach lurch up into your throat. A part of you didn’t know if you could pretend it would be okay for two weeks. Another part of you, the bigger part of you, couldn’t stop yourself from smiling at the sight of him.

He held up a bag and pushed past you and headed into your kitchen. “I didn’t know what was wrong with you so I got a whole bunch of stuff. Ginger ale, soup, bananas, and just in case it wasn’t anything too serious…chocolate.” He turned to look at you with wide, concerned eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, it was just a fluke stomach ache. I’ve eaten and rested and I feel much better now.” You answered him.

He walked up to you, placing a hand on your forehead before sliding it down to your cheek. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

Standing so close to him, his big brown eyes watching you thoughtfully while he cupped your face so gently made you feel like throwing up. All of the emotions from earlier came flooding back and you couldn’t breath. You had never told Taeyong you loved him, you had barely admitted that the feelings you had for him were real. You were fairly certain he knew.

The way he looked at you, the way he responded to you, the way he was around you. He knew you felt strongly for him, but you were too afraid to say it. You didn’t want this to be real, the relationship with him, the feelings you had for him, and the way it all had to come crashing down.

You didn’t want it to be something you had to live through. Disassociating was easier, hiding all of those feelings deep down in another part of you. You couldn’t face them, you couldn’t deal with the fact that the boy in front of you wasn’t allowed to be yours anymore.

He was never yours to begin with.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked you again, his thumb stroking your cheek gently.

You nodded, pressing your face to his palm and shutting your eyes. “Can we just…snuggle tonight? I just want to be with you and do nothing.” You opened your eyes to look at him, finding him smiling softly at you.

“Of course we can, we can do anything you want to do.”

You reached up and pulled him down to you, kissing him softly. He complied, his hands moving to your waist as he kissed you back and you memorized the feeling of having him there. How sweet he tasted, how warm he was, and how he made a little noise in his throat when you bit at his lips playfully.

You found yourself moving urgently against him, kissing him with every ounce of emotion you had. You wouldn’t dare tell him how much you felt for him, but you could show him. You could physically show him how he was the light of your life and how much you wanted him.

He pulled away from you, breathless and panting your name. “I thought you wanted to just snuggle?” He teased.

You smiled and shook your head, “I changed my mind. Take me to bed, hm?”

He grinned, his hand sliding into yours as he pulled you back to your bedroom. You let him lead you over to your bed, stopping just in front of it and turning to face you. He bit his bottom lip as he looked at you and you held your hands up over your head. “Go on then,” you encouraged him with a knowing smile.

He lifted your shirt off over your head and then removed his own. His lips were back on yours and you let yourself fall into him. Your palms came to rest on his chest, sliding down his smooth skin slowly before settling down to his hips. You got to his jeans and unbuttoned them quickly while his own fingers ran up your back and unhooked your bra.

You let the garment fall to the floor, stepping away from him to unbutton your own jeans with a flirtatious grin. You gave your hips an extra sway as you pushed the material down your legs. You kicked the jeans aside, and walked back up to him. You teased his stomach before gripping his pants and pushing them down.

You lowered to your knees, taking his pants and boxers with you. He helped you get him out of his clothes, and when he was finally naked you dragged your fingers up his legs slowly. You licked your lips as you watched him grow hard for you.

Your hands found his hips and he sucked in a breath as you brought your hand down to his dick and wrap your fingers around it slowly. You looked up at him, making sure to hold eye contact with him as you slowly brought him into your mouth. Your tongue slid along the underside of his cock as you took him in, not stopping until the tip of your nose hit his stomach.

You pulled back slowly, revelling in the way his breathing staggered while he watched you. You repeated the process a few times, moving your tongue along him each time to add extra stimulation. You sat back on your heels, letting your hand take over for a bit, watching him as his eyes fluttered closed and his head fell back off his shoulders.

You would have kept going, doing anything you could to make him feel good. You wanted him to feel the best he’d ever felt. You wanted to give him that before everything would inevitably be wrecked. As you wrapped your lips around his head he let out a moan and suddenly his hands were on the side of your face, pulling you away gently.

“We have to stop,” He whined, “I’m too close.”

You smiled and let him pull you to your feet, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you into a heated kiss of appreciation.

He turned you around and laid you back down on your bed, sitting up to take off your panties before crawling on after you. He settled between your legs, his lips finding your shoulder before trailing down your chest and ending at your nipples. He began to tease the sensitive bud with his tongue, one of his hands coming up to the second one and running his fingers over it lightly. You settled back into the bed, letting the pleasure of his hands and mouth on your body take over you.

You whimpered as his mouth found the other nipple and his hand slid down along your bare side slowly. The feeling of his warm fingertips left your skin buzzing from where they touched. You reached up and ran your fingers through his hair, you pulled the locks gently to get his attention.

You wanted him, and the look you gave him must have said enough because he sat up and kissed you hard. You felt him adjust between your legs and you lifted your hips enough to meet him. He slid inside of you with ease, you were more than ready for him, your body vying for the sex he was going to give you.

He moaned, his voice a low growl that vibrated against your lips in a way that spread goosebumps along your skin. He began to thrust in and out of you at a languid pace that only made you more desperate for him.

Your fingers tangled into his hair, your tongue pushed past his lips and you shamelessly moved against him while he fucked you into the sheets. As he moved you found yourself unable to focus on the kisses, getting lost in the sensation of him filling you up so perfectly over and over again.

Your head fell back to the pillow beneath you, Taeyong’s name falling past your lips as you grabbed his shoulders and kept him close. You slid one hand between your bodies and began to rub your clit, adding on an extended pleasure that had you mewling.

You were so close, your emotions on overdrive from the events of the day, you wanted nothing more than to reach that blissful peak and tip over into the edge of serenity for just a few moments.

Taeyong pushed up on his arms and stared down at you intensely as he watched you pleasure yourself. You bit your lip, your eyes shutting as you found yourself so close to climax. You chased the feeling, and you could feel Taeyong thrusting into you harder. Your orgasm washed over you, a burst of white behind your eyelids as you moaned his name.

His hips slowed, letting you come down from your high as he pressed sweet kisses along your face. Your breathing was heavy, and you wanted to fall into the floating feeling that came after orgasm.

But you wanted to feel him come undone more.

Your fingers slid up his back and wrapped around his neck. He began to move again and you hitched your legs up to his waist. He got deeper, and your inner walls were so sensitive you couldn’t help but shudder at the movements.

“Are you gonna cum for me, baby?” You whispered in his ear, knowing how much he loved hearing your encouragements during.

His face fell to your neck, a whine sounding in the back of his throat as he bit down on the skin.

“Cum for me, Taeyong.” Your fingers tangled into his hair and you could feel him tense above you. Soon he stopped moving, jutting forward to get as deep into you as he could as he moaned through his orgasm.

You could hear his breaths in your ear and you scratched at his scalp lightly while he came down from his high.

He pulled out of you slowly, getting up to grab a towel from your bathroom before returning to help you clean up. He climbed into bed with you, pulling the blankets up to your shoulders as you snuggled into his chest.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he spoke softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

You nodded, bottling up the emotions that threatened to spill over. You tucked them away, hiding them deep inside of you to deal with at a later time. For now you had the person you loved, and you wanted to treasure this moment for as long as you could.

______

Pretending everything was okay was a lot easier than you originally thought it would be. The two weeks were flying by with the boys actively promoting. Things were busy, but not so busy that you couldn’t make time with Taeyong.

If anything, having an expiration date on your relationship had made you seek him out even more. He practically spent every night with you. The two of you were running on almost no sleep, but for you it was worth it. You wanted to soak up every last second you had with all of the boys.

Taeyong knew something was up, almost immediately sensing the change in you. Despite that, he never asked. You chalked it up to his own tiredness and enjoying the extra attention you were giving him.

As is the natural order of things, it all came crashing down around you.

Sungmin had always disliked you, so it should have to come to no surprise that he was far too excited to find out you were leaving during a recent staff meeting. You only had two days left and you’d yet to tell the boys, or Taeyong, that you were leaving. You kept meaning to, but the thought of adding more stress to their already busy schedules was more than you could handle.

You knew you had to tell them after the meeting, especially considering the rest of the staff now knew. You had them all in one room, seated and eating lunch. As you watched them happily chortling away, you could physically feel your heart beginning to shatter into a million pieces. You knew it was now or never, and you stood up to make an announcement.

And then Sungmin walked in.

“Hey!” He greeted everyone, “I finalized the room situation for the Japan trip.” He held up his phone, “I’ll email you guys with all the details, okay? So make sure to check your email.”

The boys blinked up at him, some of them openly expressing confusion. You were always the one who made those plans for them.

Sensing their befuddlement Sungmin looked over at you with feigned surprise. “Oh, you haven’t told them yet?” He asked you with such obvious fakeness it made you grimace.

“Tell us what?” Doyoung asked, looking between you and Sungmin.

You sighed, all eyes were on you and you could specifically feel Taeyong’s burning gaze. “I’m…going to be transferred to managing Red Velvet.” You told them softly.

“What? When?” Mark was the one to speak up this time.

There was a long silence and you dug your fingernails into your palms to keep yourself from crying. “Two days,” you answered.

There was an outpour of complaints, most of them talking over each other. All of them reacting except for one. Taeyong was calm, eerily so, and yet you couldn’t find it in yourself to look at him. He sat in your peripheral vision, watching you try desperately not to fall apart.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Doyoung asked over the barrade of questioning.

“I didn’t want to upset you,” you answered honestly. You kept your gaze on everything except the boys in front of you. You could feel your eyes filling with tears. “It’s a good opportunity for me to grow in my career. I wish it didn’t mean not working with you guys anymore, but it does. I’m still going to be around so I’ll see you guys. Just not as often, I’m sorry.” Your voice wavered and you had to stop talking to keep it together.

Johnny got up from his seat and walked over to you. He pulled you into a big hug, “It’s okay, of course we support you following your career. Don’t be sorry, we love you!”

Everyone chimed in agreement and started getting up to pull you into a giant group hug.

Everyone except for one person; and you still wouldn’t dare look his way.

In a way, Sungmin did you a favor. After that moment, the hectic schedule kicked back into gear. There was no time to dwell on your news. It made it easy to avoid your boyfriend who seemed equally adamant on avoiding you as well.

Their schedules went well into the night, and by the time it was all over everyone was ready to go home and sleep. You never even saw Taeyong and you ended up heading home alone.

You had barely gotten into your apartment when he rang your doorbell. The look on his face was everything you’d feared up until this moment.

He knew, and now you needed to cut the final string.

You silently let him into your apartment. He headed into the living room, wordlessly sitting on your couch and waited for you to join him. The distance between the two of you felt as though it stretched for miles as you sat on the other end and waited for him to speak first.

“Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you just going to stop showing up to work and hope for the best?” His words were bitter and you couldn’t blame him for being upset with you.

“Of course I was going to tell you,” you whispered, not trusting your full voice in the slightest.

“What does this mean…for us?” He asked you, he refused to look at you. He faced forward, staring intently at your blank television screen with an unreadable expression.

You felt your hands begin to shake as you had to face the reality of the enormous problem you had been avoiding for two weeks. “Taeyong…”

You didn’t even get his name out before he was cursing under his breath. He stood up from the couch and turned to you with an angry look. “I thought we were past this.” He seethed.

You stayed seated, ringing your fingers together to keep them from shaking so much. “Taeyong, you had to know this was coming eventually. Relationships like ours never last.”

He scoffed, “More excuses…” He ran his fingers through his hair angrily, glaring down at the empty space on the sofa.

“I’m doing you a favor. You have such a big career ahead of you, I’d only hold you back. You can enjoy being young and famous and–”

“Just stop!” He snapped.

You looked up at him, surprised to see tears running down his cheeks.

“I love you,” he whispered hoarsely.

You felt all of the emotions you’d buried away come bubbling up to the surface, threatening to spill out and release. You squeezed your eyes shut, “Tae…”

“God,” he began pacing your living room. “Are you kidding me? Can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me the last four months meant nothing to you? None of it?”

You couldn’t answer him, instead shaking your head and staring down at your fingers, “We should have never done this…”

He sniffed back his tears, “You’re unbelievable.”

You nodded in complete agreement with him as the tears began to spill past your eyes and down your own cheeks. You watched them fall onto your lap, “I’m sorry…” You choked out.

Taeyong let out an angry scoff, “No you’re not.” He murmured bitterly.

You started crying harder and his pacing stopped. He spoke your name softly and you had to cover your mouth to keep down the sobs. “Please don’t do this…” He whispered, falling down to his knees he crawled over to you, his hands resting on your knees. “Please, I love you…I don’t want anyone else.”

You could hear him crying, and you couldn’t meet his gaze. If you looked into his eyes it would be over for you. You needed to be strong, it was for the best. It was for him, his career and happiness were far more important than yours.

You shook your head, crossing your arms over your chest. “Taeyong, I’m sorry. It’s over. I can’t continue seeing you.” Your voice was surprisingly firm for the amount of destruction going on inside of your chest.

He was silent for a long moment, unmoving from his position in front of you. Slowly he rose to his feet, standing in front of you before turning and walking away. He went back to your door and put his shoes on. “I hope…you do whatever you are trying to do with your career. I hope it was all worth it.” He spoke before walking out of your apartment, slamming the door behind him.

You sat in the silence of your living room, crying harder than you had in a long time. You weren’t sure how much time had passed of you sitting there. You couldn’t stop crying, and you didn’t when you heard the keypad of your front door making noise. You couldn’t stop as you listened to whoever it was walk into your house with a purpose.

Jinki stopped short when he saw you. He let out a long sigh and walked over to the couch, picking you up and putting you in his lap.

You buried your face into his shoulder, letting out every emotion that had been kept tucked away in nothing but broken sobs. When you caught enough breath you sat up and looked at your best friend, “How’d you know?”

Jinki wiped away some of your tears, “That damn kid called me. I didn’t even know he had my number. He just said who it was, that he knew everything, and that you were alone. Then he hung up.” Jinki let out a dry laugh, “You broke his heart and he still called to make sure you weren’t by yourself. Who the fuck is he? Some sort of saint?”

The idea of Taeyong still reaching out and showing he cared so deeply for you only brought more tears. Your head fell back to Jinki’s shoulder, your breath coming out in staggering hiccups as your friend rubbed your back soothingly.

“Hey,” Jinki spoke softly. “It won’t hurt like this forever. I promise. It will start feeling a little better. It will take time, but it will heal. Your heart will heal.”

Your arms tightened around him, knowing that your cynical best friend only became that way because of his own broken heart. Those words were his own way of sharing his raw emotion with you and you held each other close on your couch as your cried in his arms.

When more time passed, and you were sure you couldn’t get out another tear if you tried, Jinki got up and took you to your bathroom. He turned on your shower and began rummaging around to find your towels. “Take a shower, it will help your face from all the crying.” He told you gently.

Before he could leave the bathroom you grabbed his arm and wrapped your arms around his waist, you pressed your cheek to his chest and listened to his steady breathing for a moment. “Thank you.” You whispered.

“Any time,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before leaving you in the bathroom to get cleaned up.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life after Taeyong was not easy. You wished your heart could heal a little faster, but he had truly buried himself inside of it.

Life after Taeyong was not easy. You wished your heart could heal a little faster, but he had truly buried himself inside of it. You spent the first month throwing yourself into your new job. It wasn’t too bad, everyone was very nice and you were fitting in just fine.

Jinki watched over you like a hawk, only instead of his prey you were a tiny fragile egg that could break any second. You were constantly putting on a brave face for everyone around you. On the outside you were strong, confident in the decisions you’d made. On the inside you were broken and you weren’t sure if the hollow feeling in your chest would ever go away.

During the second month you ran into him for the first time. You’d done well in avoiding him until that point. However it was inevitable that you’d see each other again when you worked for the same company. Luckily he had been with a few members of the group. Most of them greeting you with happy hugs and well wishes, telling you what you’d been missing in their lives and making you promise to visit them during practice.

Taeyong greeted you just the same. It was as though nothing between you had ever existed, he was kind and his smile was genuine. You knew the company trained the idols to put on a face, but you saw nothing fake in his eyes.

It almost made it worse.

Had he moved on so easily? Was love so fleeting for him that he could simply accept the change and move forward?

That had been a blow, and you felt yourself take ten steps back from the progress you’d made up until that point. You went back to hiding behind the shell of a person who worked too many hours and stayed at home on the weekends feeling sorry for herself.

By the fourth month Jinki had had enough, barging into your apartment on a rare Friday night that you were home.

“Get dressed,” he demanded, “we’re going out.”

You grumbled from your spot on your bed, but Jinki was already in your closet and going through your clothes. “I don’t feel like going out.” You told him, frowning as he stepped out with a dress that you were sure hadn’t been worn in almost a year.

Jinki had been constantly trying to get you out of your funk. He offered up blind dates, nights out on the town, and sometimes just evenings with him alone on your couch. You had completely secluded yourself from everyone, and you were definitely not ready to date someone else.

“Here’s a crazy idea,” he threw the dress at you, “this isn’t about you. It’s about me.”

You looked up at him with concern, “Are you okay?”

He shook his head, “I just need to get out, get a drink, lose myself a little.” He walked over to you, pulling you to your feet and pushing you towards your bathroom. “Go shower, I don’t even want to know how long it’s been.”

You did as you were told, dolling yourself up to a night club’s ridiculous standards so that Jinki could have some company. He approved of your look, although you were sure the dress you were wearing was a bit too revealing, and the two of you took a cab into the city. He took you to a new club where he had reserved the private room, a place where his presence could be kept quiet.

Jinki was quiet as he drank a whiskey way too quickly. You watched him carefully, “What happened?” You asked as you sipped on your own gin and tonic.

He lifted his hand to flag the waiter, “I’m just over it. Life is shit.” He ordered another drink for both of you, signalling you to catch up. “I just work so hard,” he continued, “I do everything I’m supposed to do and for what? To be shit on constantly? They put us up on these impossible pedestals. They expect us to be perfect, and we get nothing for ourselves.”

The waiter came over with your drinks. You quickly finished your first one and switched for a fuller glass. Jinki downed half of his in seconds. “We do everything for these people, and we can’t even have something as simple as a relationship.” You watched your best friend swallow back his frustrations with alcohol and immediately throw his hand up to order more.

You grabbed his arm, making him look at you. “Hey,” You spoke gently as his eyes reached yours, “slow down, okay?”

He sighed and pulled his arm away from you, “I’m just tired.” He looked down into his empty glass, “I just want to forget about everything for the night.”

You nodded in understanding, “That’s fair, but let’s not get alcohol poisoning in the process. And we have to stay in this room, okay?”

Jinki looked back up at you and stared a moment before nodding in agreement. “Fine, I’ll slow down. And I have the company’s DD’s on speed dial so drink.” He told you sternly. “You can use a night for forgetting too, as much as you don’t want to admit it.”

You glanced at your drink before taking another healthy sip. He was right, and while alcohol was not the solution to your problems, it certainly was nice to indulge in every now and again. You smiled up at Jinki as the alcohol warmed your body, “A fuck it all kind of night it is!”

He laughed, grabbing the waiter’s attention again and ordering more drinks. “Fuck it all!” He yelled as you clinked your glasses together happily.

Famous last words.

You dropped down onto one of the couches in the private room that had gathered a few more people. Most of whom you recognized from the company. Your head was swimming and you’d had far too much to drink; you blamed Jinki.

You had your purse in your hand as you sluggishly searched for your phone. Why couldn’t you find it? You just wanted to go home and go to sleep. At this point Jinki had gathered a big enough posse of people to finish the night with him. You couldn’t keep up any longer, you were too old for this scene.

Someone sat on the couch next to you and held up his phone with a smile. You recognized him as one of the backup dancers the company often used. “I have a driver coming, do you want to share?” He asked you, his own words a bit slurred.

You nodded, immediately regretting moving your head that quickly. “Yes please.” You closed your purse, far too drunk to do anything else.

The dancer, whose name escaped you, stood and you immediately looked around for Jinki. You waved at him, signalling your departure. He drunkenly waved back to you and you followed the dancer out of the club.

The fresh night air certainly helped to clear your head a bit, but you still swayed on your feet. The car was already waiting for you both outside and the dancer opened the door to let you in. You wished you wouldn’t forget him in the morning, you owed him a thank you card at least.

The driver asked you for your address and you stared at him blankly. Your head felt so flooded and heavy, you couldn’t think of any one thought; let alone the address of your building.

“–manager, right?” You realized the dancer was talking to you. He seemed to know who you were and what your job was. He was a nice guy, you really wished you could remember his name.

You smiled and nodded and he turned to the driver and spouted out an address that sounded familiar, so you figured it was correct. You sat back in the car, closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths. You shouldn’t have let Jinki talk you into drinking so much, although he hardly had to pressure you. Once the initial buzz of the alcohol set in you had completely lost yourself in music and booze.

You knew you would regret this in the morning.

Before you knew it the driver had stopped the car outside of a building that you certainly recognized, even if you were far too drunk to fully comprehend where you lived. You turned to the dancer, “Is this me?”

He laughed and nodded, “That’s what you said!”

It dawned on you that he was also quite drunk. You looked at the building again. You definitely knew this building so you thanked the driver and climbed out of the car to head inside.

The doorman recognized you when you walked in, only confirming to your drunk mind that you were in the right place.

“Fun night out?” He asked you with a knowing smile.

You tried to seem sober, but you only managed to giggle and stumble in front of the elevator. “I don’t remember what floor it is.” You told him.

The doorman let out a quiet chuckle and shook his head at you, “How much have you had to drink?”

You were giggling again, “I don’t remember.”

The elevator doors opened and the doorman followed you inside, pressing a number on the wall before stepping back out. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you here, so I supposed it’s expected you’d forget. 1102.” He gave you a wink as the elevator doors closed and you headed up.

You were confused by the man’s statement, but when the doors opened you followed his instruction to the door marked with the appropriate number. As you looked down at the keypad you realized in some horror that you had no idea what the passcode was. You looked up and down the hallway, you had been here before, but was this actually your apartment?

The door suddenly swung open, startling you and causing you to fall backwards. A hand shot out and grabbed your arm, steadying you.

You looked up into Taeyong’s sleepy eyes as he spoke into the phone pressed against his ear. “Yes, she’s here, Mr. Kim. Thank you for calling me to let me know you sent her up here.” He hung up the phone and led you inside.

You stood in the entrance of the dorm, your alcohol-filled mind starting to put pieces of the puzzle together. “This isn’t my apartment….”

“No, it’s not.” Taeyong spoke behind you. He walked past you, leading you both into the living room. “What were you thinking trying to get home by yourself when you’re this drunk?” He hissed.

You frowned at his tone, “I wasn’t alone, I was with…” You blinked, why couldn’t you remember that dancer’s name?

Taeyong sighed, “Whatever. I’m just glad you’re safe. I’ll grab you a blanket and you can sleep on the couch.”

You watched him walk back to his bedroom before coming back out with a blanket in his hands. He gave you a pointed look as you stood, unmoving from your spot in the center of the room. “Well?”

“You’re grumpy,” You pouted as you walked over to the couch.

“It’s 3 in the morning, of course I’m grumpy.” He tossed the pillow to the couch.

“You’re mad I’m here…” You noted while watching him toss the pillow to the couch.

“Kind of, yeah.” He grunted before gesturing to the couch, “lay down.”

You didn’t move, “Why though? You seemed fine when I saw you before.”

He chuckled dryly, “I’m not doing this right now. Go to sleep.”

You took in his loose sweat and t-shirt; his hair was soft and messy from sleep. “You really don’t miss me at all, do you?” You asked him. Somewhere deep down you knew you should just lay on the couch and go to sleep. You were tired, more than tired with the alcohol in your system, but your mouth wouldn’t listen.

Taeyong shut his eyes, “Of course I miss you, but you wanted to move on. Why would I act out and try to make you upset? Why would I make it hard on you? Now please, lay down.”

You did as you were told, his words sobering you up a bit as they registered in your mind. As soon as you laid down taeyong picked up the blanket and draped it over your body. “I miss you too,” You murmured quietly, “I didn’t want to move on….”

He paused and looked down at you, “You mean from our group?”

You nodded, “Well yeah, of course them too. I don’t want to be anywhere else, I was happy. I was in love.”

Taeyong’s breath hitched, “What did you just say?”

“I love you, Taeyong.” You looked up at him, your eyes staying on his. “I did four months ago and nothing has changed. Everyone keeps telling me my heart will heal, but when? When will the hole in my chest go away? If this was for the best, why am I so miserable?”

Taeyong cursed and sat down on the end of the couch by your legs, he buried his face in his hands and groaned. He stayed like that until you sat up and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“What are the chances of you remembering this in the morning?” He asked you softly.

You paused, a giggle escaping, “I didn’t even know this wasn’t my apartment.”

Taeyong smiled at that, “Why did you get so drunk, hm?”

“Jinki made me go out. He gets super emotional sometimes and I made the mistake of keeping up with him most of the night. I just….wanted to forget the pain for a little bit.” You frowned and watched Taeyong turn to look you in the eyes.

You stared at each other a moment, unblinking, “I hate this,” he whispered before leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours.

The second your lips touched you felt your entire body respond. Your heart felt like it was on fire and your skin cold. It was everything at once and you whimpered when he pulled away quickly.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” He stood up suddenly and you knew you’d lost him again. “Get some sleep, okay?” Without waiting for a response he walked away, leaving you in the dark living room with nothing but your drunken thoughts and heavy heart.

You woke up to the blinking eyes of Sicheng’s face far too close to yours. You jumped, pressing yourself further back into the couch and watched the boy smile broadly. “She’s awake!” He called out.

You watched a few boys slowly begin making their way into the living room, observing you like an animal in the zoo. Doyoung came in, eating something out of a bowl, and sat down at your feet. The smell of his food immediately made your stomach churn.

You sat up and grabbed your head, groaning at the swimming sensation caused by your quick movements, “What time is it?”

“7:30 in the morning.” Doyoung answered you. He offered you a bite of the food and you shoved his hands away quickly, shaking your head.

Taeil appeared with a bottle of water, handing it to you with a knowing grin.

You took it gratefully, you hadn’t even been asleep long enough to full sober up.

“So…” Sicheng spoke up, a playful glint in his gaze, “fun night?”

You rolled your eyes as you drank the water. You looked around the room, noticing the absence of Taeyong.

“He’s not here,” Doyoung commented as he watched you drink the water. You could see judgement in his face and you felt your own heat up in response. “The real question,” he continued, “is why are you here?”

You put the water bottle down, “I um…” You struggled to grasp last night’s memories in your hazy mind. “I don’t remember…”

Doyoung opened his mouth to comment, but the buzzing of his phone interrupted him from saying anything snarky in response. He looked down at his phone and sighed, “It’s Sungmin. He’s going to be here in five minutes.”

Your cursed under your breath, you really didn’t want Sungmin to find you in their dorm. You didn’t need to look in a mirror to assume you looked like a mess. It was obvious you had been drinking, you didn’t need Sungmin having anything to hold over your head.

Doyoung stood up and you followed suit, careful to fix your dress that had been twisted and bunched in your sleep.

“Wow, I’ve never seen you in a dress before,” Taeil commented from his seat across the room.

You snorted, “Yeah, well take a good look now, it’ll never happen again.”

Doyoung grabbed your purse and handed it to you, “Come on. You can hide in my room until Sungmin leaves.”

You smiled, “Thanks.” You followed him back into his bedroom, ignoring the chorus of sarcastic goodbyes from the boys in the living room.

He hovered in the doorway, watching you take a tentative seat at the end of his bed. “Taeyong left this morning at 5, I don’t even know where he went.” He glanced over his shoulder to make sure you were both alone, “He just started getting back to normal….” Doyoung frowned, “I’m not going to pretend to know what’s going on between the two of you, but whatever it is or was…” He sighed and walked into the room, shutting the door behind him. “I just don’t want him to go back to who he was four months ago.”

You felt the hole in your chest begin to ache, the hole that had been there since you broke up with Taeyong. Tears stung your eyes, and memories of the night before flashed in your mind. Taeyong had kissed you, and instantly regretted it. How had you been so stupid to come to their dorm?

“Listen,” Doyoung sat down next to you on the bed. “I’m just going to be honest with you. You leaving sucked. Sungmin, he’s a nice guy but we had something good with you. The adjustment to a new manager has been difficult for all of us. On top of that, Taeyong completely lost himself when you left. I’ve never seen him like that, and it’s taken a lot for us to help pull him out of that funk. So….it’s just…” He sighed and looked away from you, “you can’t just show up at our dorm like this, okay? I realize you are probably going through your own problems, but I just can’t handle picking up the pieces of the wreckage you leave behind. Maybe it’s selfish of me to say, but the boys can’t handle it. Taeyong can’t handle it.”

You couldn’t look at Doyoung. You felt awful, physically and mentally. You knew you had messed up, but you hadn’t realized how much you’d hurt everyone else in the process. You simply nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry, Doyoung. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.” You whispered.

He put an arm around you, pulling you close, “I know that. I don’t want you to hurt either, and I think this is just the best way.”

You agreed with him, and you stayed put on that spot on the bed until Sungmin came and picked up the boys for their schedule. You called a cab and snuck out of the building successfully, this time making it back to your own apartment.

Three days later Jinki was sitting across from you at a coffee shop hidden away in the city. He seemed to have a perpetually cross look on his face whenever he was around you now. You were stirring your coffee, not paying attention to him when he finally sighed and snapped his fingers in front of your face.

“You’re fucking miserable.” He stated. “You have to change something, you can’t stay in this place you’re going to drive yourself crazy.”

You looked up at him, “You’re right.”

This surprised him, “What?”

You sighed, sitting back in your seat and glancing out the window of the shop. “I can’t stay like this. I need to move forward. I made the decisions I made and I have to live with them. Me not being with Taeyong anymore is for the best, I have to force my heart to heal.”

“Wow, okay. I didn’t actually expect you to agree.” Jinki let out a chuckle, “wonders never cease.”

You rolled your eyes, looking back at him with a smile. “I’m ready for the blind date.”

Jinki’s eyes widened, “Really?”

“Yeah, I need to force myself to do things that I know will help better me. It might not work out, but it’ll take me out of my comfort zone in a good way.” You sipped your coffee and watched Jinki stare at you.

He looked unsure, but he wasn’t about to question you, so he pulled out his phone and started to text someone. “I actually was going to try to introduce you guys the other night, but I got trashed and forgot. My bad.”

You scoffed, “Your bad my ass.”

He gave you a cheeky smile and turned his phone so you could see a picture of the back up dancer that you shared a car with. Your eyes widened in surprise, “Oh. That guy?”

Jinki frowned, “Why? What’s wrong with him?”

You shook your head, “Nothing, we shared a car the other night. He thought I was still NCT’s manager so that’s how I ended up at the dorm.”

Jinki snorted, “Serves you right.”

You glared at him, “I wouldn’t have been so drunk if it weren’t for you!”

Jinki just chuckled, “Anyway, I just sent him your Kakao ID so he’s going to add you.”

You grabbed your coffee and took a long sip, truth was you weren’t sure if you were ready to date.

You just knew something had to change.  
______

Jihun was his name.

You wouldn’t fall in love with him, that much you were sure of, but he was nice. He didn’t capture your entire heart in the way Taeyong had, or drive you crazy like Jinki did. It was a simple relationship that would last 6 months.

You were right when you said you needed to force your heart to move on. It slowly, very slowly, began to hurt less. Seeing Taeyong at work no longer made you feel as though you couldn’t breath. You still avoided him, if only because Doyoung’s words constantly rang inside of your mind whenever NCT was involved.

Jinki said he was proud of you, when the 6 months was over and Jihun told you he couldn’t continue on. You actually cried for the loss of the relationship. Jihun treated you right, but deep down you knew he knew it would never be more than skin deep.

You figured the hole was always going to be in your chest. The hole that was once occupied by the person who you had cherished so deeply. Taeyong had taken a piece of you with him, a piece you would never get back.

Life had a funny way of making you regret most of the decisions you made. As a year passed you realized you didn’t regret Taeyong at all. You held those memories close to your heart and looked back on them fondly. You might never love as deeply as you loved Taeyong, but at least you had experienced that type of love for a short time. It was better than nothing.

It would have to be.


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things had been stagnant for so long, so it surprised you when your boss called you into her office. She was seated behind her desk and another manager was seated across from her. An immediate feeling of worry dropped into your stomach. You took a seat and waited anxiously for what you assumed would be you inevitable firing.

After a full year in your current position with Red Velvet, you’d think you’d feel settled. When you were with NCT it took you significantly less time to get comfortable. In fact, it was almost instantaneous how quickly you fell into a comfortable rhythm with them. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t like the people you were working with. Everyone was nice, and they were all quite easy to work with. There was never any unnecessary drama in the staff, and everything ran relatively smoothly. You hated the underlying feeling of discomfort that remained in the pit of your stomach. You were grateful for all of the opportunities you had, but you wanted to feel differently about your job.

Regardless, you made the best of your situation. You enjoyed the busyness that came with your position. You were constantly on the go and it gave you less time to reflect on feeling lonely.

Things had been stagnant for so long, so it surprised you when your boss called you into her office. She was seated behind her desk and another manager was seated across from her. An immediate feeling of worry dropped into your stomach. You took a seat and waited anxiously for what you assumed would be you inevitable firing. 

“We called you in here today because we have something important to discuss with you.” Your supervisor spoke up. She took a breath before continuing, “We’ve had to let Sungmin go.” She told you. “Things with him were not working out. We need to find his replacement quickly and it has been brought to our attention that your presence on the NCT team has been greatly missed.”

The second manager cleared his throat and spoke up, “We would prefer to hire within the company. Seeing as how you’re already familiar with how things are run within that group you’re our first choice as Sungmin’s replacement.

“We would offer you a pay raise and some more responsibilities.” Your supervisor told you. “You don’t have to have us an answer right now, of course. Would three days be sufficient?”

“Wow what the fuck!” Jinki interrupted your retelling of the story. You were both on your couch, a bottle of wine and take out between you both. “What about Taeyong?” He asked.

You glared at him, “Would you let me finish?”

He rolled his eyes and grabbed a dumpling from the plate, popping it into his mouth.

“We realize it’s been a year since your previous time with NCT and...feelings may resurface from the past. We trust you to be discreet.” You quoted your supervisor in a mocking tone.

Jinki snorted, “Is that what she said?”

You nodded, “To the word.”

He shook his head, “So basically they’re hoping you’re both over each other.”

You stared down into your glass of wine, “Yeah...well…”

“Are you? Over him?”

You looked back up at your best friend and your silence was all he needed. He hadn’t missed the way you avoided the topic of dating or love in general. It had been a year, but your heart still longed for Taeyong as if it were yesterday. “It doesn’t matter,” you told him, “he has.”

Jinki watched you carefully. “You sure about that?”

You didn’t answer him.

“So...what are you going to do?”

You found yourself smiling shyly at him, “I’ve already given them an answer.”  
______

You’d been through a lot of first days. Your first day of college, your first day at your internship out of college. Your first day of being a manager. You had been nervous all of those times, but never as nervous as you were on this day.

You stared at the door of the practice room. Your heart was pounding erratically and your palms were sweating. They were expecting you, but it did nothing to calm the butterflies flapping around your stomach.

You took a deep breath before pushing the door open and walking inside. Most women would appreciate every eye of the young men in the room turning to look at them. Most women weren’t you.

“Hey…” You smiled tentatively at the group.

“It’s true then? You’re back?” Mark asked you.

You nodded, “I’m back. For good this time...if you want me that is.”

There were a few seconds of silence and you were sure your heart was going to beat out of your chest. 

Slowly their faces began to break out into large smiles. You were soon bombarded by hugs, all of them practically tackling you down with happiness.

“We’ve missed you,” Doyoung whispered in your ears.

For the first time in months you felt like you were exactly where you were supposed to be; you were home.  
_____

Things seemed to go back to normal after that. It was as if no time had passed and you fell back into the familiar routine of working with the boys. In fact, things were a little too normal.

Right down to Taeyong flirting with you.

At first you thought maybe you were imaging it. The first week back you’d both done well to avoid each other. However, he walked behind you in a crowded dressing room during a music show and brushed his hand over your lower back. It was subtle, but the touch was lasting. It send electricity shooting through your entire body. It was done in an instant, which made you wonder if perhaps you’d fantasized the entire moment.

The second time he teased you during a meeting. It was a playful jab at your clumsiness when you almost spilled your coffee. It was the way he smiled at you, it lingered long enough to send heat to your cheeks and you had to look away first.

You kept it all to yourself, not even telling Jinki. You knew he’d only accuse you of still having feelings and fabricating all of it.

Then you ended up alone in the practice room with Taeyong. Everyone else was either running late or not scheduled to stop by. You’d set up a makeshift desk in the corner to get some work done as different members came and went through the day. You’d been alone for all of five minutes before he came in. 

You both startled at the sight of each other. “Hey,” you spoke first, unable to handle the silence, “I didn’t know you were stopping by today.”

He nodded, walking up to the speakers and plugging his phone in. “I wanted to work on this choreo for the new song. I’m helping with it.”

You got back to work, not paying him much attention until the music started.

It wasn’t the new song. The beat wasn’t even similar. The song that came on exuded sex and you looked up slowly to find Taeyong watching you. He moved his body purposefully. Every turn of his hips and roll of his body made your insides churn. 

He was clearly doing it on purpose, his gaze on you was sinful as he bit his lip and licked at it slowly.

You bolted. Spitting out some sort of excuse about needing to use the bathroom before running out of the room.

You couldn’t keep it in any longer. You were at the studio door quickly and Jinki looked rightfully confused. “I thought you were working today?” He asked you as you pushed passed him to get inside.

“I was,” You did a quick scan of the room to ensure you were alone before continuing. “I still have feelings for Taeyong.” You spat out quickly.

Jinki let out a dry laugh, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Taeyong’s been relentlessly flirting with me for weeks and I don’t know what to do.”

Jinki’s eyes widened, “Now that I did not know.”

“What should I do?” You collapsed in the chair next to his.

Jinki looked thoughtful as he sat down and turned to you. “You need to really weigh in your options here. If you two start this up again and things go south you’re not going to get a third chance at this job…”

You hummed in agreement, “I know.”

“But also…” he smiled softly, “I’ve never seen you happier than when you were with him.”

“I just..don’t know if I can afford that heart break again. I really loved him, Jinki.”

Jinki reached over and squeezed your leg, “I know. It’s a risk you have to be willing to take.”

You knew he was right, but you still weren’t sure what you wanted to do.  
_______

Taeyong wasn’t in the practice room when you returned and you didn’t see much of him for the next few days. You were grateful for the break, but you knew you’d have to face it all eventually.

You were home on a rare night off, ignoring your problems with bad television and too much takeout when your doorbell rang. Outside of the delivery man, you were not expecting anyone and reluctantly made your way to the door. You opened it, surprised to find Taeyong on the other side.

“What are you doing here?” You asked him.

“I just want to talk. Can I come in for a minute?” He gave you an innocent grin and you caved, letting him in.

He made his way to your living room, plopping down on your couch with an all too familiarity. You ignored the pang in your chest and joined him.

“I wanted to talk to you about you being back,” Taeyong dived right in. “I’m sure you’ve noticed my flirting, and I thought you liked it. But then last week you practically ran out of the practice room and I thought I must have read things wrong. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable at all. The boys are so much happier with you back. I don’t want to mess that up with my own selfish longings. I just...I still have a lot of feelings for you. I understand if you’ve moved on, and I’ll back off. I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I came on too strong. I’ll stop.” He turned to face you and you were startled by how much pain was in his eyes. Had that always been there? Were you so caught up in your own emotions that you’d completely disregarded his?

You watched him start to rise from his seat and you grabbed his wrist without thinking about it. “Taeyong...please don’t leave.” You pulled him back down next to you. “You were right, I was uncomfortable, but not for the reasons you think. I still have feelings for you too. But...I don’t want to take advantage of resurfaced feelings that may have come up since I’m back.”

Taeyong’s gaze was sharp on yours. “You don’t get it. These aren’t feelings that are resurfacing. They never left in the first place. You being back...it makes the whole group happy. They all over you so much, but if I’m being honest it’s killing me. I really was so in love with you and you broke my heart.” His voice cracked and he had to stop and clear his throat.

You felt tears fill your own eyes as your emotions began to overwhelm you. “Tae...I’m so sorry.” You murmured, “I didn’t want to hurt you, honest.”

He lunged forward, crushing you to his chest. “I know, I know everything now.” He whispered.

You collapsed into his warmth. Everything about him was so comforting and warm. He smelled exactly the same, felt the same. You buried your face into his chest and breathed him in. “I loved you too, Taeyong.” You finally spoke the words out loud to the boy they belonged to.

Taeyong’s body stiffened, “What did you just say?”

You sat back, wiping your tears away to ensure you could look at him properly. “I love you. I did back then and I still do. It’s not resurfaced feelings for me either. My heart has always belonged to you and no one else---”

He surged toward you, kissing you passionately. Your fingers gripped his shirt and you melted against his lips.

He stole your breath, pressing against you and holding you close as if he were too scared to let go. His lips slid over yours and you relished in the taste of him again.

You whimpered when his mouth left yours and moved to the crook of your neck. “Please,” he whispered hoarsely, “please take me back. I want you. Only you. It’s always been you.”

You grabbed his face and pulled him back to you. You kissed him heatedly, both of your tongues breaking past the kiss swiftly. He moaned into your mouth and you’re entire body vibrated with pure, unadulterated need for him.

“Taeyong…” You whispered against his lips, “not here.”

He paused, his breath heavy against your face, “I’m sorry.”

You pressed a kiss to his chin, “Don’t be sorry. I meant we should go to the bedroom.”

A devilish smirk tilted his lips, “Are you sure?”

You bit your lip and nodded. You threw him a sultry look before standing up and walking out of your living room. You were feeling too many emotions at once. You had Taeyong hot on your heels, his fingers dancing along your waist.

You’d wanted this for so long, you’d missed him more than you ever let yourself admit. A flutter of nervous energy swam through you as you entered your bedroom. You didn’t want to get hurt again, but more importantly, you didn’t want to hurt him again.

His chest was pressed against your back, his fingers moved beneath your shirt. The feather-like touches sent chills throughout your body. You closed your eyes and leaned into Taeyong’s firm chest. His face found your neck and pressed a kiss to your skin. He let out a hum and you felt his breath fan out across your neck.

“You still smell so good,” He bit down on the sensitive skin and groaned, “and taste so good.” His hands gripped your hips and pulled them back against his own.

His want for you was evident and pressed firmly against your ass. You couldn’t hold back a soft smile and you spun around in his embrace. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a heated kiss. You gripped his hair and bit his lip, eliciting another noise from him. Something inside of you snapped and you didn’t want to hold back anymore.

You pulled away, grabbing his shirt and yanking it over his head. You licked your lips at the sight of him, enjoying the way his cheeks were dusted the lightest shade of pink. He swallowed hard and gave you a sheepish look, gesturing towards your body, “Your turn…”

You grinned and lifted your shirt off without any hesitation. You reached behind you, unclasping your bra. You let it drop down to the ground dramatically slow. You enjoyed the way Taeyong’s eyes tore over your body hungrily. “Your turn,” You told him.

He smiled slowly and you watched as he purposefully unbuttoned his pants slowly. He was even slower to push them down his hips. You had to bite your lip to keep in any sound you might make as he took his underwear down with his jeans. 

He was so hard and his body was gorgeous. 

Even better? It was yours, he was yours.

You quirked an eyebrow at him as he began lazily stroking his cock. He tilted his chin towards your. “Your turn.”

“Awfully bossy this time around,” you stated, although you didn’t stop yourself from beginning to remove your own pants. You made just as much of a scene, wiggling your hips just right as you got fully naked for him.

“A year can change people,” He spoke lowly, dropping the register of his voice in a way that he knew you loved.

“You think you can handle me now, Taeyong?”

He took a step towards you, letting his eyes drag over your naked body slowly. “I know I can.”

You opened your mouth for a rebuttal, but he was quicker. He grabbed your waist, pulling you to him and pressing his lips to yours. His tongue pushed into your mouth, his erection pressed against your stomach. You moaned against him and he swallowed every bit of the sound you made for him.

His hands smoothed over your back and down you ass, giving it a playful squeeze. He moved his mouth against yours before suddenly pulling away. He spun you until you were facing the foot of your bed where he promptly pressed you forward.

Your face laid against the mattress as your feet stayed firmly planted on the ground. You barely had time to breath before you felt Taeyong’s finger begin to tease your core. You instantly whimpered at the sensation. He brushed over your clit and hold, and you knew you would dripping for him soon. It had been too long since you’d been properly and thoroughly fucked. You enjoyed a more assertive side of Taeyong, but as long as you could feel him inside of you, you almost didn’t care how it happened.

His fingers kept up their relentless teasing, drawing whines and whimpers from your throat as you began to wiggle your hips and beg for more. “Taeyong…” You panted into your blankets, “Please…”

“Please what, baby?” His low voice made your core clamp down around nothing.

You tried to throw him your best pout over your shoulder, “Fuck me, Tae.”

Taeyong let out a low growl and you felt two fingers slide into you with ease. You moaned loudly enjoying the stretch and fullness. He moved his fingers inside of you, still moving too slowly for your liking. You knew he was relishing this moment and you swore you’d get him back later.

“God, you’re so wet,” He pulled his fingers out, wiping them along your thigh. You felt the coolness of the air drying your slick.

You felt his hands grip your waist and the blunt tip of his cock against your entrance. You bit your lip, holding in a moan as he slid into you slowly. You listened to his breath catch in his throat as he bottomed out, filling you completely. 

“Fuck,” he whispered as he slowly pulled out of you before slamming back inside. “I’ve missed this so much.”

Your chest fell onto your bed as Taeyong began steadily thrusting in and out of you. You moaned easily, gripping down on your blankets as his fingers dug into your hips. “Me too,” you whimpered, “I missed this too.”

Taeyong groaned, sliding out of you and pulling you up. He gently laid you back down to the bed. He crawled overtop of you as you settled back against your pillows. “I want to watch you.” He whispered lowly before pressing his lips to yours.

He swallowed up your noises as he pushed back inside of you. You lifted your knees, spreading your legs wider to get him deeper inside of you. His lips moved down your chin and to your neck. He nibbled on your skin, sending warmth through your entire body. You felt your stomach tighten, and you knew you were getting close.

“Fuck, Tae…” You moaned. Your fingers gripped his shoulders. “Please don’t stop, you feel so good.”

He moaned lowly, his voice vibrating against the skin of your neck. His hips moving faster as he thrusted harder into you. You felt his hand slide between your bodies. He sat up, his eyes taking you in as he began to rub your clit. 

Your eyes fluttered shut and you let the pleasure surge through your body. You moaned wantonly, your toes curling and the coil in your stomach tightening. “I’m gonna cum,” you told him in a rushed whisper.

“Do it, baby.” He told you, “cum for me. Let me feel you fall apart.”

He thrusted into you a few more times, his thumb circling your clit and sending you over the edge. You moaned his name loudly as your senses flooded with pleasure. Your body clamped down around him. Taeyong whimpered, his face falling to your neck as his hips stuttered while his own orgasm hit him.

You felt him twitch and pulse inside of you. Your fingers curled up into his hair, tugging it just hard enough to pull him into a sloppy kiss. He pulled out of you slowly, settling next to you and leaving sweet kisses on your skin. “I really did miss you so much,” he whispered.

You rolled to your side to face him, pushing your lips firmly to his. “Me too, Taeyong. Me too.”  
______

The next morning you were fast asleep when the sound of your front door opening and closing startled you awake. You heard Jinki call you name and you suddenly remembered the plans for brunch you had with him. 

“You’re phone is turned off and I swear you better be kidnapped or dead if you’re ignoring me because I--” He trailed off an you sat up just in time to see him walk into your bedroom. He smirked as you covered your chest with blankets. “--Or you could be naked in bed with my coworker…” He gave you a knowing smile and you knew he’d never let you live this down.

Taeyong groaned, rolling over and blinking his sleepy eyes rapidly to adjust to the light in the room. His gaze fell on Jinki and his eyes widened. He sat up quickly, “Oh...hello…”

Jinki snorted and shook his head, “Well, I take it you two are back together.” He commented.

You rolled your eyes, “What gave you that idea?” You asked him sarcastically.

Jinki continued smiling at you and you let out a sigh. “Alright, the show’s over! Go home, I’ll call you later.” You gestured towards the door.

Jinki turned to leave, but not before shooting you and Taeyong a large smirk followed with a lude wink.

Taeyong looked at you with wide eyes, “Well...that was awkward.” He murmured, unable to hide his grin.

You smacked him playfully, “Don’t laugh! He’s going to tease us about this forever.”

Taeyong snickered and you poked at his sides, causing him to squirm away from you.

He grabbed your hand and pulled it to his lips, kissing your fingers. “It’s okay, he can say whatever he wants.”

You leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. “So...we really are back together now?” You asked him.

He nodded, “Of course, as long as you want to be.”

You smiled widely, “I do. I really do.”

He returned your smile, “I love you.” He told you softly.

He leaned forward and kissed you slowly. “You know...since your plans are no longer...”

You smiled and laid down, pulling him down with you. “If I have to deal with Jinki later, then I might as well make it worth it.”

He chuckled lowly, already crawling overtop of you, “Oh, I can certainly make it worth it, babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm trash. I wouldn't rest until I did this.


End file.
